Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
