who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the day after is always just damage control
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
