When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize