So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
