Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
