dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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