Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
