I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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