Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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