My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize