I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
