I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
