That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
