If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
