Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i will never coherently bang her
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
