After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize