Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
