Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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