for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
