I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The struggles of a small town man whore
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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