At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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