he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
