I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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