yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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