Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
