i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
