Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize