I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
