Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
