Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
