He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
