Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
