I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
