Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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