who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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