my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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