Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize