don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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