last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
