Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
