I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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