Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
