M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
