we have pet lesbian snakes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
