Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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