Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
