it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
