yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
