I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
