Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
