I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
