tell your sister to shave her snatch
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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