you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize