I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
