How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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