I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
