So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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