there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize