You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
