I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
