hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
