I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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