Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
