So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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