she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
