theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
