I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
youre lurking in front of me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
