Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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