Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
