Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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