I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
