1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
