You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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