plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize