u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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