You're so nebulous sometimes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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