Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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