I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
