I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
