so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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