How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
